The hardest thing about saying goodbye...

...is never again saying hello. I know that sounds so obvious, but if you give it some thought, it makes a lot of sense.

My grandmother passed away recently; she was the last of my grandparents. Minute for minute, I likely spent more time with her than I have with any other person in the world. Up until this past December when I moved out, I had been living under the same roof as her my entire life. She was there through every significant experience I ever had - my first performance, my bar mitzvah, my high school graduation, college graduation, the acceptance of my first real job - you get the point.

I'm not a terribly spiritual person. By that, I mean while I do believe in the fundamentals of religion, there is much of it that I am yet to comprehend. Of those, the idea that we will all meet again in the afterlife, is one that strikes me as, well, shaky. It implies, to me, that our entire purpose while we're alive and breathing is similar to a waiting room in a doctors office. Seeing the doctor... well, again, you get the point. However, I wholeheartedly admit to the fact that there likely has to be more. This "waiting room" can't just be it, because, how sad would that be? I hope for that, in a sense, because it means that for all the years that my grandmother was in pain, there is some peaceful place where she now exists, however that may be.

Back to the point of never saying hello again: it's a horrible feeling. When someone is such a routine part of your life, the thought of never being able to see them, hug them, wish them a happy birthday, buy them chocolate, take them to the store or hear them speak becomes a terrible, awful reality. It's a reality we all wish was fiction, and I haven't even begun to fully comprehend just what that is going to mean for the remainder of my life.

She was an absolutely incredible woman, and everyone that ever met her not only loved her, but respected her for her strength, fearlessness and blatant honesty. She was returned to the earth on her birthday, and to me, that seemed somewhat comforting.

Mary Boroden - July 3, 1925 - June 30, 2008